I found out so much yesterday that I hardly know where to begin. Evan called me last night and said he found some things out about the environmental assessment. He wanted to tell me in person though, so I invited him over. It didn't take him long to get over, but I was worried the whole time I was waiting. I was sure it was something horrible since he wanted to tell me face to face.
When he arrived, he looked anxious and a little pale even. He asked me to sit down while he filled me in. Then he started in on his story. It came out in bits and pieces and I had a lot to interject while he was telling it. However here's what he told me in a more chronological order.
Evan's first sense that anything was wrong was not when he saw this written assessment report -- it turns out it was actually back about a month ago! Just before our second date, apparently he was talking about me at work. When his supervisor (which was the older guy named Carl that came along for my appointment) heard him mentioning our date, he pulled Evan aside for a private meeting. Before starting in, Carl said that the discussion was strictly confidential and that Evan was bound by non-disclosure in his employment agreement to not speak of this topic outside of the office.
First, let me tell you something about the environmental firm Evan works for. Even though they're a standalone company, they're actually owned by a well-known multinational corporation. For purposes of this blog so I don't get into any libel issues, I've decided to refer to them by the name of a fictional conglomerate created by Kurt Vonnegut -- The RAMJAC Corporation. I'm sure you can figure it out but they're involved in almost everything including plastics, electronics, agriculture, biotech, construction, pharmaceuticals, etc. In addition to this, RAMJAC actually has one of their subsidiaries, which makes plastics, a few kilometers away from my house.
So when Carl took Evan aside, he informed him that there had been a possible leak reported by this site and that my house was in the risk zone. Nothing was made public since they felt that the risk and volume of the leak was low, but there was still a possibility. So when I was looking to have the environmental assessment done, it turned into the perfect chance for them to do some inspection apparently. Neither Evan nor I have any idea yet how my request for an appointment went from the company I originally called over to Evan's company, but maybe it was red-flagged and sent to RAMJAC due to the possible leak. This part is still an unknown.
So Evan went on that second date with me feeling guilty at having been sworn to secrecy at risk of his job. Thinking back on it now, I do recall him being a little quiet or reserved or something, so that makes sense now. After that even though he still couldn't tell me about it, Evan repeatedly inquired internally about the status of the environmental assessment. It turned out that the samples had been kicked up to his parent company, RAMJAC, for analysis. However the word that came down to him was that things were progressing well and that the results continued to come back clear. So after getting good news on the test results after a few inquiries, his guilt abated some since there didn't seem to be any risk to me.
It wasn't until he saw the written assessment sent to me under the other firm's letterhead that he began to question things again. So yesterday once he was back in the office, he started to inquire about it again, all the way back to RAMJAC. After going through a few of his contacts, he eventually discovered that the file on my assessment was sealed and marked as confidential. Evan had never seen this done with test results like this and, if fact, with his position he usually has access to most documentation around assessments. He inquired with Carl why this might be and Carl said that this would usually only happen if there was a pending or finalized legal case or something like that. He couldn't think of any other reason.
So now there are plenty of unnerving questions. Why would the file be sealed if the results of the tests were clear? Could it be because they just didn't want the news to go public? Why was my assessment appointment forwarded from the original company I called over to Evan's company or possibly RAMJAC directly? And why would RAMJAC have taken the testing out of the hands of one of their own labs and given it back to the original independent company for analysis?
Evan had all of the same questions which is why he decided it was time to reveal it all to me, even at the risk of his job... and his relationship with me. I can't even tell you all of the emotions I was feeling as Evan told me his story. With all of the information around RAMJAC, I was confused, angry and (above all) scared. But when it came to Evan himself, I felt hurt and betrayed.
I understand the confidentiality agreement he was bound by and that his career was at risk, but I still can't believe he kept this information from me for almost a whole month, especially when there was a possible risk to my health, no matter how small. I thought we were close. I listened to him confess his story, feeling more angry the longer I listened. By the end of it, once everything was out on the table, I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. I was so upset and confused and shocked that all I could bring myself to say to him at that moment was, "Get out."
Evan thoroughly and sincerely apologized about not letting me know until now. Part of me felt for him and could forgive him, but not yet. I just wasn't ready. I needed him to go or risk blowing up at him entirely. He said he understood and agreed with me, and that he was more disappointed with himself than I could imagine. After that, he left me. And the tears overwhelmed me.
Later in the evening after I calmed down, I came to at least one decision. Since there was so much uncertainty, I had no level of trust in the results I'd received. Given that, if there was any chance at all that I might be at risk of exposure to something, I could no longer stay at my house.
Since she'd been so good about everything, I thought about asking Lauren if I could stay there. But she only has a one-bedroom apartment and, for possibly an extended stay, I'm sure that would have been too big an imposition.
So I reached out to Josh. He has a three-bedroom condo with plenty of room. I filled him in on everything that had happened, trying unsuccessfully to hold it together and not get too emotional. I had to go all the way back to the beginning, since I hadn't even told him about Evan in the first place. To be honest, it was an uncomfortable conversation and Josh is far from accepting my relationship with Evan. However once he understood that I was potentially at risk in my own home, he immediately invited me to stay with him, without me even asking.
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