Release

This just happened so I had to get it out there.  I've been continuing to research a cause for my gender transformation on the Internet but, as I'd said before, searches on “gender transformation” tend to get side-tracked to porn frequently enough.  Seeing all of this, I continued to get aroused, in spite of me trying to keep my search productive.

The more I saw, the more I felt myself wanting to just cave in to the feelings.  So I finally decided to just go with it and find the release that my body was craving.  It was easy enough finding good adult content since I'd had some bookmarked from my previous life. 

As I watched one video clip after another, my body started to feel sensitive all over and a warmth spread through me.  I cautiously let my hand slide down in between my legs and could feel that I was already starting to get wet.  I slowly started to rub myself, but just lightly since I was still nervous as this was a completely new experience.  The feeling was incredible and I started to lose myself into the rhythm of it.  Before I realized it, I had my other hand on my breasts.  My nipples were already hard and so sensitive that it was almost overwhelming to massage them, but I didn't stop.

Soon the gentle rubbing between my legs wasn't enough and I got faster and firmer.  It was excruciating in a way I'd never felt before.   I lost myself in the feeling.  As a hetero male, I'd never before had any inclination to have anything inserted into me, but now I could feel that I still needed more.  It got to the point that I couldn't take it any longer.  I carefully and slowly slid one finger inside me, then two.  Almost immediately, I felt an exquisite explosion as I came.  Wave after wave of it hit me.  I briefly felt like the aftershocks wouldn't stop, nor did I want them to.  But finally it came to an end and left me with a exhilarated feeling of spent satisfaction.

The whole experience throughout was so different and powerful.  I'd felt orgasms plenty of times as a man and always knew what to expect.  This time though, physically I could feel my muscles acting and convulsing differently, particularly through my pelvis.  I had a heightened level of energy and sensitivity all over my body that was very different from the feeling of sensitivity I’d always had with a male body.

Also in the spirit of full disclosure, I need to talk about my mental state, which you'll see has me confused.  As I got more deeply into the pleasure of it, my mind drifted into fantasy.  That's not unusual.  However this time, as I watched the adult movie, I started fantasizing from the perspective of the woman in the movie.  Without realizing it at the time, I saw myself not as a man in a woman's body, but actually as a woman.  I was imagining myself being taken by the male actor and wanting more.  In the throes of arousal, it seems that my male self receded and my female body was driving my thoughts.

I really don't understand this.  Maybe with this new form, female hormones are impacting more than just my body physically.  Or another thought that occurs to me is that maybe more than just my body on the outside changed.  It could be possible that my brain was physiologically changed and "re-wired" along with the rest of my body.  Or maybe it's one of those strange psychological adjustments the brain makes on its own in that I started thinking as a woman since my body felt like a woman's.  I just don't know how this came about.

However what's more disconcerting than the fact that I was fantasizing as a woman is the fact that it isn't troubling me more.  Maybe it's because it's just so fresh and new and the sensations were so intense and enjoyable, but I really wouldn't hesitate to do it again.  And in all honesty the fantasies, while foreign and confusing, aren't really distressing me to the extent that I'd think they should be.