OK, I'm attempting to be rational about this and get all of the details down in the hopes that it will start to make a little more sense. I'm trying to remain as objective as possible too, just to keep from going completely mad.
For the record, my name is Lee Wildersen and I'm 26 years old. I know this likely sounds strange, but I'm using the name "Lea" (pronounced LEE-ah) here to help compartmentalize things in my head. You have no idea how difficult it is psychologically to think of yourself in terms of one gender when you're so obviously the other gender physically. Please don't think this is a sign of acceptance on my part at all. On the contrary, I'm spending every waking hour trying to understand this so I can possibly reverse it. The problem is though that my sense of self is so drastically fractured now. So this is one way I've found that works to help alleviate at least a small bit of anxiety and free my mind up somewhat.
Let me detail some of the physical changes:
In my face, I can still recognize some of my old appearance, just traces of familiarity in the eyes and general facial structure. The small faint scar just under my lower lip that I've always had is still there. However more has changed than has stayed the same. My face has softened quite a lot. My usually angular checkbones and jawline have evened out and plumped a bit. My nose has narrowed and my lips have become a lot fuller. And my eyes seem to have widened or opened up more or something as well. I can't really put my finger on it but they certainly draw attention into them more than I remember from before. My hair has stayed the same colour (dark brown) but has grown substantially longer, past my shoulders, even though on the flip side I seem to have lost the hair on most of the rest of my body.
And it's with my body that the most radical and fundamental changes have occurred. I don't recognize anything of my former self there. I can now see that, during that three-week period, my body must have been shedding a substantial amount of its mass. Prior to this transformation, I was 5'10" and around 175 lbs. However now, I'm barely 5'6" and weigh in at only 115 lbs. It's so hard getting used to this overall size difference. I feel so much lighter and more free in my movements, but at the same time, I haven't yet been able to adjust my equilibrium to account for the changes in height, weight, center of gravity, etc. Since the change, I've been feeling very clumsy, but I'm getting better as time goes on.
The shape of my body is obviously very different as well. I'm not really good with these kinds of things so I don't really know what (for lack of a better term) my "female measurements" are. I feel very awkward getting through this next stuff but I really want to document everything to give the full picture. Firstly, my breasts seem to be a good size. I couldn't tell you what size but, coming from a man's perspective, they look nice for my frame. My hips and butt have rounded out as well, so that I look fairly curvy. With my fuller hips and butt, my pants seem to hug at that point, but they're far too big at the waist. I normally wear a size 34 pants, so I can only assume that my hips are maybe slightly more than that and my waist is maybe 8-10 inches less than that.
Of course lastly, my male genitalia has been replaced with female genitalia.
I really can't make myself go into any more detail on this. The longer I write here, the more anxious it's making me, to the point now that I can almost feel an anxiety attack coming on. Need to quit for now.
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